si_elgy

Sixteen days after Cory’s death—she’s still on the news, on every paper’s headline, and even on the cover of the latest issue of Time Magazine.

Sixteen days—imagine how long that has been. If I was the one who died of Cardio Pulmonary Arrest last August 1 at 3:18 in the morning, I would have been forgotten the day after my burial; I would have even been forgotten the very night of it. But it’s Cory. The saint of democracy as Time Magazine baptized her, an international icon of democracy for the advocates all over the world, a humble and generous boss to her workers, and a responsible citizen to her beloved country. She may be this big for each one of us, but when she gets home; the person who knows who she really is, are just the fortunate few—her family.

I’m not talking about the Cojuancos—the Cojuancos who are more seen on the limelight of fashion, money, assets, and influence. No, I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the Aquinos—her three daughters and one son, and her grandchildren; the Aquinos who politely kept their silence for the sake of their mother’s and grandmother’s privacy and peace because the family knows that after everything that had happened to Cory, privacy and peace are just the things that their mother could own at long last, the Aquinos who faced the media and the multitude of supporters humbly and welcomed each one with open arms during Cory’s wake because the family knows that it is their duty to continue what example Cory has taught them (and all of us, I believe), which is to be fair, to be humble, to share not only what you have but also what you would still have, and to lend not only a hand but both. Yes, the family knows.

Right after the requiem mass offered for Cory, her youngest daughter read her prepared speech for everyone. I’m not sure how many pages long it was but I’m darn sure it was long. When Kris speaks, she always speaks from the heart which captures every listener’s attention and emotion. From the moment she thanked her siblings up to the words “Maraming salamat, at paalam!” I was crying my heart out. I was trying so hard to hide that I’m crying because my cousin was on that same room where I was watching. I remembered the time I cried while watching All My Life, One More Chance, Monsters Inc., Matilda, A Walk To Remember, and John Q (these are just some, let me tell you). But this is different. This is real, unlike the scripted flow of the plot of the movies from the big screen. What I was watching then was a piece of the Aquinos, especially Kris’ heartbreaking battle with reality. I was text mates with a friend then. She was getting emotional, too. I tried to safeguard the emotions that were triggered by that lady’s speech. I was texting remarks like “Hehe!” or “Haha!” just to balance the conversation and to candidly try to show my friend that I am alright and not affected much of what was shown and heard on television, and end up fooling myself. During that time, the trailer of the movie And I Love You So was already released. There was a line there that Bea Alonzo said, “Nakapagpalibing na ako ng asawa.” I thought to myself: wait that applies to me too, only not a husband, but rather a father and a brother. I told this to my friend as a joke, and then later realized that that was really what appears to be in reality. I cried. I thought of my father, I thought of my brother. I missed them much, and then I cried even harder.

During her four hour necrological services, the family that she had left for the afterlife chose some of her closest friends to speak of her legacy while she was still with us. An in-law, a priest, a nun, a critique of hers during her regime turned friend, a son, co-politicians, and many others. I may not remember every detail they sorted out of how they knew of Cory, but I could describe to you how much of a big hearted person this former president was based from the out-pouring of love and support that even I, just from watching the coverage on my television set here at home, have felt. I could, but I won’t. No need, right? I’m sure you have felt it, too.

A lot of politicians went to the LSGH gym and Manila Cathedral to pay their last respect to our late former president—from the controversials, to the humbles; from the liars, to the outrights; from the family’s real close friends, to that dwarf. Yes! She went to Manila Cathedral straight from her US trip. Which by the way, has a controversial issue now of her along with her trusted disciples spending Php.9M in a five-star restaurant in NYC. But, no big! She called a ten-day national mourning whatever as respect for a former president’s death. See, she breathes reverence for the late president. Yeah, right! While the whole nation was mourning not just because of a democratic hero’s death but also for oppression, hunger, and unemployment; there they are, toasting their whine glasses, eating lobster, and practically living large. Way to go, Mrs. President! Hope you run for re-election. I know you will win landsliiide!!! And oh, your con-ass?! Don’t worry about it. Push it to the supremes and surely no one would rally along Mendiola, Rotonda, and EDSA. As a first time voter, please know that I will support you all the way, bitch! And another thing, regarding the 114% ballooning of your wealth—Mrs. President, I am sooo happy for you! May you buy peace of mind and clearness of conscience from the money that your husband proclaims to be coming from your stocks. Speaking of your husband, Humpty Dumpty, may he never leave you for another ugly but taller woman when you have served your purpose for him which is to gain wealth just like when he gains weight. That would really suck big time. I wouldn’t want you to go through all the pain of being left behind for a more complete package, I suppose. Your son slash daughter, Mikee Arroyo, I juuust love him! Especially when he gets cornered in an ambush interview about you and your family’s stinky deeds, he just flashes a blank stare for a few seconds and gives the camera that adorable smile. Oh, a lot of us just love him! And your daughter, Lilo (the stout lead from the movie Lilo & Stitch); ooops! My bad! It’s Luli, alright. Now I remember. She looks perfectly like you. I wonder if she also has your attitude. Her two front teeth are like yours and mine. Cute, eh? Hahaha! You are both sooo pretty. Given a chance, I would want to have your face rather than mine. You really are an epitome of a true and honest leader. And for that may I quote a leader of a hungry nation’s recent SONA: "I never expressed the desire to extend myself beyond my term. Many of those who accuse me of it tried to cling like nails to their posts.... I am accused of misgovernance. Many of those who accuse me of it left me the problem of their misgovernance to solve. And we did it.... I am falsely accused, without proof, of using my office for personal profit. Many of those who accuse me of it have lifestyles and spending habits that make them walking proofs of that crime...."—the person whom I just quoted should be ashamed. I’m sure she was already born when Corazon Aquino lead our country and spoke of her SONA too in front of the citizens of this back-then-not-so-hungry-and-getting-back-up-again nation. She knows very well. She is aware. She should be ashamed! Oh, wait. Was that you whom I just quoted? Crap. And madam, before I forget, your breasts; may they stay as frisky and tight as they are now, for all eternity. I will always pray for your soul that it may not burn too much in hell when you die.

Now, let’s go back to Cory. A funeral cortege lasted for approximately eight hours. Cory’s family didn’t have anything for the whole day except for the sandwiches they prepared beforehand. They were even thinking twice whether they would eat or not because if the supporters were all on the streets with nothing with them to eat, how could they possibly fill their starving stomachs without feeling horrible for those hungry Cory supporters tirelessly waving and signaling the “L” sign Cory was known for doing. When the cortege arrived at the Manila Memorial Cemetery, the high spirit of the crowd became more intense then went silent for a few seconds when Cory’s casket was started to be carried by the military men. I bet a lot of us had our eyes start to fill with tears from the moment Cory’s children blessed her casket with Holy Water and kissed her good bye until the moment when cement was being spread to finally close her up.

Sixteen days after Cory’s death.

Now that Cory has passed away, and Gloria is still the president, I don’t think there’s anything that we have to be frightened about. I just can’t wait for the next ousting of a president, or the next EDSA Revolution. Planning to go for re-election? Con-ass? Prime minister? Go ahead, make my day. Cory may be dead but her magic will live on.

Today, seventh day of July, is also the seventh day of the novena offered for former president Corazon Aquino. The Aquino family 19s confirmation of how her situation is getting worse has shaken the nation big time. People are affected though they do not know her personally. As a matter of fact, you can see updates about former president 19s condition on television, read acknowledgments on both broad sheets and tabloids, and hear reports on the radio or even in regular random conversations everywhere.

Why? You may ask.  As I see it, it is because of the impact she has made on our nation, on our government, on our faith in God, on our family, and on our selves particularly.

I saw her once in person, and that never happened again. That was during my elementary days, at the height of the Charter Change issue during the Ramos regime. She went to my school, St. Theresa 19s College of Quezon City. And that being a Catholic School, she went there to lead a prayer rally.

The school gave her a warm and grand entrance. We, students, were asked to line up on the grade school grounds. She walked from the driveway to the stage assembled just across the flag pole. As she walked past in front of us, I had the longest goose bumps; that I clearly remember.

As soon as I got home that day, I looked for my parents so I could tell them that I saw the person they introduced to me as a hero. Modern Melchora Aquino as they would regard her as, for me to remember them both clearly for my Sibika subject. I remember them telling me that I was so lucky for seeing her in person, for seeing a live hero for it only happens to fortunate individuals.

Since then, she became my idol. Not because of the manner my parents brought me up for me to idolize her the way they do. But because at my early age, her story, works, and achievements inspired me to be more rational in the things that I do and to make sure that people would benefit from me and from what I do. And so, indeed, I am a fan.

When martial law happened, until her husband, Benigno Aquino Jr. 19 died, up to the moment when she was inaugurated to be the seventh president of the Republic of the Philippines; my father was working abroad and my mother was at home taking good care of my big brother. While everyone was rallying along EDSA, they were busy doing their own thing. Some may think of them as indifferent and apathetic. But for me, they 19re absolutely not. They just had to do it because if they wouldn 19t, no one else would.

Like my parents, I am silent 14silent in the sense that I practically don 19t do anything objective for my nation. All I can do is to post stuffs on my blog exhibiting my opinions and views, join causes in facebook that battles the negativities of this government, read the articles that I come across regarding people 19s political views.

I never go out to the streets and do noise barrages, rallies, or strikes unless my school St. Joseph 19s College of Quezon City would ask for it. I speak my mind out during conversations with friends and family, but not on public unlike the manner of disputes of many. But despite, I am pretty much vigilant just like any other Filipino citizen who cares for our nation. And that is why I joined Boto Mo, Patrol Mo (BMPM). In that way, I am sure that informing the authorities the negligent officials would be much easier and less frustrating because I am positive that my voice would definitely be heard. That is my own little way of saying that I 19ve had enough. Slowly, I am being awakened by the things that are happening around me. Thanks to people like Mrs. Aquino.

Tomorrow, my mother, my aunt, my cousin, and I will attend a Healing Mass for her at Makati. I thought it would be more appropriate if I would wear a yellow-colored shirt. But then, I thought, I don 19t own one. But that doesn 19t define me as a liar when I say I am a fan of hers, right? Well, I claim I am a fan yet I don 19t have a yellow shirt. It 19s no big deal, I think. But I find it funny, though.

My mother, I think, feels for Mrs. Aquino 19s pain above anyone else. Like the former president; my father 14her husband 14passed away 10 years ago. Just imagine how hard it is for someone whose relationship was so perfect to end just like that.

My father had Leukemia. 5 years after they learned of it, he died of cardiac arrest. Though he did not die so sudden like Mr. Aquino, I guess no one could really be prepared for someone 19s death. Just like when Mr. Aquino died, a lot of people where present and mourned for my father 19s death. My relatives on his side went to our house on Christmas day 14most of them, I only saw then.

Maybe, after feeling complete and fulfilled for bringing his family together, my father stopped breathing. As for former senator Benigno Aquino, his death served as wake up call for the Filipino nation. His death signaled the start of a long process in bringing the Filipino nation which we consider a family, together.

A year after, my mother went to the hospital to have her breasts checked. Turns out, she has cancer of the breast. At first, they kept it from my sister and me, but eventually, they had to tell us the truth because of one obvious reason 14we are one family. Families tell. They tell each other what 19s going on with their lives, their problems, or just random things that they want to talk about.

Again, just like in Mrs. Aquino and her family 19s case; they would have to tell us, sooner or later, what 19s going on because in theory, we are one family. And so they did.

Every time I watch the news on television with my mother, tears fill her eyes. I know she can still feel every bit of pain she went through before even though she surpassed the battle of her cancer.

Yes, she is well now. Yet the fear of losing her is still in my system. And again, one can never be prepared for anyone 19s death.

In everything that Mrs. Aquino and my mother went through, the holy rosary is what they keep in their hands. Despite the storms they went and will still go through, praising God is still certain.

Now that Mrs. Cory Aquino 19s condition is worse than before, just like my mother, I know she can live past this. She is brave, strong, and everything in between. Whatever happens, I know that God makes fit decisions for her, for her family, and this nation that she restored, from beginning to end, in benevolence.

Both of them fought hard. As for me, I am so blessed and fortunate to be able to know them both and suck up every detail that is considered necessary for me to strive harder and continue on. Like them, after the martial law and life 19s adversities, I have been fighting this silent war.

I am not a writer; I just love sharing my thoughts. And with the frame of mind that I have now, which attests me to be non-apathetic and non-indifferent, by writing this, I am making this war a not so silent one.

***Late post: 070709; This was intended for a broad sheet.

You know the story of a girl who meets this boy in some random circumstance and then they'd finally get to know each other in not so random circumstances. They spend time together; in and out of the school, alone or in a group. You predict that they'd sooner or later get to like each other. The boy being a cowardly flirt who tends to not so gentlemanly end something and incessantly leaves without a word, and the girl being a toughie who is domesticated by the feelings she bears within right from "C---" to "V----" then after everything has perished, let loose the bitter sometimes pathetic fighter within.

You know how the story would end--in an insurgence--a chaotic whirlwind of deep emotions from doubts of sincerity to unanswered queries.

Then the boy sees happily ever after with another girl he meets in another random circumstance. At the height of the deceived girl's realization of how genuine her interest is in him, the boy found a new girl. Then the girl he betrayed thinks about how disgusted she feels about the girl that she sees looking in the mirror and how ugly the boy made her feel. She calls him names, wish him bad karma, and think evil thoughts, yet at the end of the day, she is haunted by her conscience, and so she feels sorry. She couldn't sleep well because of too much sin in a day. That is her method to her madness.

She said in a lot of conversations she'd use her head over her heart. She swore she'd never let anyone abuse her in any aspect. She is strong, mannish, and unshakable. She is a fighter. And so it was hard for her to accept certain things. Certain things like how he has his own ways in firmly disrespecting the girl despite the obvious things, though some people belittle, but for both of them; for that boy who knows how the girl deals with things, are big leaps as to how that girl expresses her personal feelings.

She didn't realize what she was becoming. She learned a side of her that she hasn't known until then. She didn't like it.

Still, the story ends in an insurgence. That girl gets angry and gets eaten up by her remorse to that boy.

But come to think of it, all of it wouldn't have happened if she wasn't stupid enough not to know the things that boy is capable of doing and if she didn't act as if she was blind not to see the things laid in front of her. She trusted and believed him. She had faith in him, in them, in everything. So in the end, both of them are the ones to blame.

She wakes up and lives every day thanking her one and only God above that when everything ended, she still has her sanity and respect for herself. She now loves her self more than ever and learns that no person can make her feel bad without her consent. She wishes that she would be the last person the boy would ever play with. She thinks that it's high time the boy learn the tricks of the game because she herself has already did.

And then the story ends.



First posted this on my FB account.

So, how do I start this? Hm. Kakatapos ko lang basahin yung The Zahir ni Paulo Coelho (my favorite author, if I may say). My eyes are tired of reading and seeing those small letters. In paradox, here I am, typing letters and forming words that come out of my mind on the small embossed prints of our old, fading keyboard with only the light from the monitor guiding me. Weird, I know. I guess that’s how unaware we all are. We stop, we take a break, and we escape from something; only to find ourselves doing the same thing.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of the same things I do everyday since vacation started. I wake up, eat plenty of calories, fats, and carbs, turn on the television which unfortunately has limited channels because we unsubscribed to SkyCable already, then reach for my guitar and play a few chords and when I get tired and bored of playing the same tunes, I then grab The Zahir and continue off where I stopped, or boot my computer and go online. In between these stuffs that I do, swerte na kung tutunog yung cellphone ko dahil may mag-ttext sken, syempre naman, para naman maiba yung routine ko.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing the same faces each day. Sana may pasok na lang ulit. Mas okay yun. Pag may pasok, tatakas lang ako lagi. Hindi ko na kelangan mag-paalam. E ngayon. Sorry na lang. House arrest na to! I’m detained. And when I say detained, kasama na dun yung wantusawang sermon ni Mother Goose, utos dito at utos don na kahit na magasgas yung lalamunan nya e hindi ko naman sinusunod. Stubborn, oo, alam ko. Thank you ha! Haha.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing happy people. Try mo maging ako, kahit 1 day lang. you’ll understand. Hehe. Mahirap, sobra. Nobody loves me. Fuck. Haha! And “nobody” there means… uh, basta, alam mo na yung ibig kong sabihin. Hehe. In fairness to them, they have their own reasons to be happy na sila lang ang meron. Do you get me? Wah! Basta! Yung sila lang yung may ganon. Haha! Tae, inulit ko lang yata yung sinabi ko. Hahaha! Hm. Kunyari, sinabi ko na Masaya ako kasi may bago akong gitara. Ikaw naman, Masaya ka din kasi may bago kang gitara. We both have new guitars, but what defines our own happiness is maybe the brand or the design of our guitars.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing happy couples. Call me bitter; call me selfish, I wouldn’t mind. I’ve been on this mofo earth for almost 21 tears now, pero still, wala pa din akong nagiging partner. As in, zero. Haha! Sabi ni Monet, pinsan ko, may okay nga daw yung first and last kasi mas sweet. Haha! Naisip ko, hindi ko kelangan ng sweet. Honestly, I can’t stand sweet. Haha! Parang bobo. Basta! Yung sweetness ng isang tao, grabe, nakakailang.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of waiting. Grabe. I always whine about me being single and alone. Malas ko pa, halos lahat ng kaibigan ko may boyfriend at girlfriend. O kung wala naman, at least may kalandian. Haha! Pucha. Kelan kaya turn ko? Shit talaga. Chirstmas na, I still have nobody. 2009 na, bente uno na ko sa February, ggraduate na ko, wala pa din. Taena! Nakakainip.

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of this pattern. Dalawang set-up lang naman yung kinasanayan ko e. una, magkakagusto ako sa hindi ako gusto. Then, when he would give me attention or kahit spare time lang, parang ayaw ko na. mawawalan na ako ng gana. Hindi ako nag-mamaganda ha, hindi ko sinasabi na may malisya sa part nila or something, basta ganon. Pangalawa, bibigyan ako ng atensyon o panahon, tapos pag nawala, hahanap-hanapin ko naman. Wow di ba? Hahaha!

Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of being a coward. Whenever my potential chance would come, I incessantly walk away. I distant myself, I get scared. Thoughts of them leaving me first would make me shiver which would make me think of leaving them first. I’m afraid of getting hurt. Pain is at the bottom of my list that I would want to go through. A perfect coward, that’s what I am. Even commitment frightens me. I can’t compose my words to explain why I live like this. This is tiring, really. I want to be loved, and I’m scared to be left at the same time. With commitment, only two people are involved: the one who leaves and the one who’s left. I’m scared to go through all that. I want freedom. I don’t want baggage, I don’t like responsibilities, I don’t like hassles, and I don’t like commitments. But I want to be with someone; I want to be loved.

I hate this. I want to be wanted. I love to be loved. I need to be needed. But then again, that self-preservation thing gets in the way. And where does it leave me? Nowhere. Or maybe here. Still. Alone.

"HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH AND NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE HER?..."

--IF ONLY

Need I say more? :(

Good Morning. Ang Asshole ng blog ko. Bakit? Go figure. Hahaha. Hay. Katangahan at kabobohan. Ayun eh. Pinagsama pa eh. Tsk. Oh well. Ganon talaga.

I'M SO SORRY ...

1. I've come to realize that: this fuckin' world is really not for me. i don't belong here. hahaha

2. I am listening to: nothing

3. I talk: about random things all the time?

4. I love: you

5. My best friend(s): are nonexistent, only super friends

6. I sometimes have to: be nice

7. I lost: my old self

8. I hate it when people: brag about what they have or what they are

9. Love Is:

10. Marriage is:

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking: of suicidal thoughts

12. I'll always: be stuck with you

13. I miss: my old self. but then again, i'm used to it

14. The last time I cried was because:

15. My cell phone: is nonexistent

16. When I wake up in the morning: i check the cellphone that i use

17. Before I go to sleep at night: i pray

18. Right now I am thinking about: you

19. Babies are: punks

20. I get on myspace:

21. Today I: have to study

22. Tonight I will: study

23. Tomorrow I will: die. haha. first day of classes

24. I really want: you

25. The person who most likely to repost this is: i don't know. i don't care.

Yey! Happy New Year!!! 2007 na. Bagong taon. So, kelangan bagong buhay na. Hehehe. Kelangan ko na ayusin tong buhay ko. Pero hindi ko naman alam kung san ko sisimulan. Hay. Sa school? Pwede. Yun na lang iisipin ko, ang eskwelahan. Bwahaha. Teka, hindi ko ata kaya. Hahaha. Hnde, go Elgy!! Hahaha. Bahala na. Shet. Dalawang tulog na lang, may pasok na naman kme. Haay. Kelangan ko na talaga mag-aral. :( Kelangan ko na yon gustihun, kahit na kinakasuklaman ko ang nursing, at ayaw ko mag-trabaho sa ospital, kelangan ko na talaga matutunang mahalin ang course ko. Kse, kung hnde, ako din yung kawawa. Hay.

Dahil 2007 na, kelangan ko na muna ilagay kung ano man yung nararamdaman ko para syo sa likod ng utak ko. Haha. Nakakatawa ba? Hehe. Kung dte, parate ko sinasbe na kakalimutan ko na, ngayon, parang hndi na lang pala dapat ganon. Hehe. Bakit pa? Eh alam ko naman na hindi ko kaya. Hehehe. Kalahating dekada din yon. Hay. Masayang malungkot. Masaya kse sa loob ng limang tao na yon, naramdaman ko na buhay ako. Masaya kse, kahit na yung pinaka-maliit at pinaka-mababaw na bagay na konektado syo, buo na yung araw ko. Malungkot kse kahit na gano ka-"great" (Hahaha, ano bng Tagalog term ng great? Hahaha.) yung pagmamahal ko, hindi pa din yon sapat para maging masaya ako. Ewan. Ganon kse yung asa movies eh. Hahaha. "Ok lang na hindi mo ako mahal, basta mapakita ko lang syo kung gno ka kahalaga sken" BULLSHIT! Magpakita sken ang mga taong sumasang-ayon dito at pagtatawanan ko. Hehehe. Loko lang. Bahala kayo. Basta. Malungkot kse, nasasaktan ako. Hahaha. Ayun na eh. Kahit na ikaw yung taong pinaka-ayaw kong makasakit sken, wala eh, ganon talaga. Basta. Naiintindihan mo pa ba ako? Problema mo na yon kung hndi na. Bwahaha. Basta. Dahil ayaw kita mawala. Kakalimutan ko muna yung sarili ko. Hahaha. Yuck, ang drama. Kakalimutan ko muna yung na-ffeel ko. Hehe. Basta, hindi ko na lang muna papansinin. Weh, hindi nyo naman naiintindihan. Hahaha. Wag ka na kse magbasa, basa ka kse ng basa jan. Hahaha. Hay. Tamad na ko. Basta, sana ok tong year na to. Ayoko sana isipin na matatanggal ako sa Trinity, pero ganon. Huhu. Pero, ok lang. Tawa na lang.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I made it. Uyea!! Hahaha. Wala lang. Masaya lang kse nakaya ko. Woohoo! Naisip ko, kaya ko naman pala talaga. Hehe, duwag lang ako. Nauunahan parate ng takot. Bwaha! Ampota. Parang may sasalihang contest enoh. Hahaha. Basta, hindi mo ako maiintindihan kse wala kang alam, kaya wala lang. Hahaha. Napanood ko na yung The Lucky Ones ba yon? Hindi ako sigurado sa title, basta yung parang ganyan. Hahaha. Ang cute ni Candy. Hehehe. Wala lang. I'm happy, but then again ...

Oh, yea. I'm Back. Hahaha. Hay. Nakakalungkot talaga sa Batangas, kaya nga sobrang inip na inip ako pag andun ako eh. Dec25 kme pumunta don, ts dapat mga Dec27 or 28 pa kme babalik. Bute na lang Dec26, umuwi na kme. Ang saya talaga. Inom dapat kgbe eh. Kaso, tae. Hindi na ako pinayagan bigla. Punta kse kmeng Las Pinas. Hay. Nakakalungkot. Sorry, friends. Nagalit pa ata kayo.

Ang lungkot ko. Ang hirap. Hahaha. Pero kaya. Tawa na lang. Go, Elgy!!! Nyaha.

Okay. So kelangan mapaginipan kita two times sa loob ng isang araw. Hahaha. Patawang mundo. Hindi sa ayaw kitang mapaginipan. Ang sken lang, wag na dagdagan kung ano man yung nararamdaman ko. Ewan. Ayokong lalo kitang maisip, pero gusto ko. Hay. Pucha. Labo. Ayaw ko ng may madagdag pa sa na-feel ko para syo. Hahaha. Nakakaloko naman. Ayokong lalong ma-inlove. Yun na. Hahaha.

Hay. While reading my previous blog entry, bigla akong nalungkot. Hay. Hay talaga. Sobrang layo sa na-ffeel ko ngayon. Pucha. Bawal ba maging masaya? Kapag ba naging masaya ako ngayon, dapat ko na ba asahan na malulungkot naman ako pagkatapos ng ilang oras. Nakakagagong isipin na kahit na alam ko na kung anong gutso ko, at kung ano yung totoong makakapg-paligaya sken, hindi pa din 'yon sapat para masabing, sa wakas, may patutunguhan na ang buhay ko. Na sa wakas, magkakaron na din ng direksyon ang basura kong buhay. Hay. Ewan. Malungkot ako ngayon, siguro, mamaya, masaya naman. Nawa.

Big Night kagabi. Boring. Haha. Kung wala yung mga bading don, malamang lahat kami nag-uwian na. Hahaha. Hm. Nanalo si Pat! Woohoo! 2nd runner-up. Ayos na din! Atleast, db? Go, Pat! Nung asa Metro pa kme, sus. Mahal na mahal talaga ako ni Papa God. Hehe. Bute na lang anjan si krasy para pasayahin yung gabi. Hehe. Jolog. Sa ibang tao ko talaga dinedepende yung kaligayahan ko. Haha. Ewan. Hayaan na. Atleast, dumadaan yung araw nang hindi ko naiisip magpakamatay. Hehe. Hindi yun joke noh. Db may ganon talaga? Hahaha. Wala lang. Hm. Ay, wait. Ikkwento ko na lang pala yung simula nung dumating sila. Hehehe. Ginanahan ako bigla mag-kwento eh. Hehehe. Pagka-hatid smen, diretso kme dun sa may sign ng MetroBar. Dun namin hinintay sila Fatima, Pinky, and Star. Habang naghihintay kme don, napalingon ako sa may kabilang side ng kalye. Ampota. May taxi. taxi pala yon nila krasy. Hahaha. Salamat sa malinaw kong mata, nakita ko siya. Nag-forward ts tnurn yung ulo smen (bale left nya) tapos sumilip. Hehehe. Ang sarap mag-feeling na sken sya tumingen. Hahaha. Tapos, tambay sila sa kabilang side ng sign ng MetroBar. Sa may yosi-han. Nung una, hindi namamansin si gagu. Basta, ang tagal bago mamansin. Yun. Hindi ko na maalala kung kme nag-usap eh. Haha. Basta, ganon. Tapos, leche. Sbe ni Pinky, the krasy is the staring. Hahaha. Funneh!! Shet. Hm. Yun. Hala. Bigla akong tinamad mag-kwento na. Hahaha. Wirdo ko. Basta ang dme namen pictures. Hahaha. Pwede na yon. Nakita ko din yung Rocksteddy:) Teddy Corpuz!! Woohoo!!:) Kahit hindi guapo, panalo pa den. Hahaha! After ng MetroBar, tambay sa may Padi's, tapos Decades. Mehn. Ayoko na talaga mag-kwento. Baka mamaya na lang siguro ulet, or bukas na lang. Ewan. Basta. Ang gulo2 ko. Pero alam ko, ikaw ang gusto ko. Hahaha!! Ayun eh! Sorry naman. Hahaha!!

>> "Patawarin mo ako, mapaglarong isipan. Mapapatawad mo ba ako? O sadyang makakalimutan ang mga sulat ko syo." Hahaha. wala lang. Kalimutan mo na yung sulat. Ewan. LABO.

I'm finally going to try to put some real words here. No, not one of my usual how-unfair-life-could-be babbles. I'm going to be transparent and straight. And, yea, I really am so in love with you. Hahaha. Pathetic? Shut up!

Hay. Tama na ang inggles. Hahaha. Dumugo ilong ko eh. Bwaha.

Good morning, elgy!!! Wala naman nakakakilig na pangyayari. Normal lang ang gising. Pero, masaya lang kasi sa wakas, alam ko na kung ano yung gusto ko. Hahaha. Mababaw ba? Walang pake. Basta masaya ako. Inggit ka lang siguro. Hahaha. Masaya lang talaga ako. Finally. Mejo natagalan nga yung pag-update netong blog ko eh. At, kamusta naman. Tungkol pa sa kanya. Hahaha. Bago talaga yon. Hehe. Bakit? Eh kse, basura ang buhay ko noon. Ngayon, hindi na masyado. Hehe. Syempre, basura pa den. Pero hindi na katulad ng dati. Anjan kse yung Micro at mga walang kwentang tao. Hehehe. Hay. Bute na lang anjan si ..  Hay. Hindi mo lang alam kung gano ako ka-saya ngayon kumpara dte. Kahit wala lang tayo ngayon, ewan. Basta alam ko na anajn ka lang, kuntento na ko. Dte kse, walang-wala, db? Walang text, chat, usap, kita, o kung ano pa man. Meron man, wala pa ring kwenta yon. Hahaha. Basura. Parang hindi tayo magkaibigan nun enoh. Hehehe. Hay. Nawa ay wag na to mawala, ulet. Ewan. Pero kung sakali man na mawala ulet to. Ewan. Hahaha. Hala. Ewan ko talaga. Kakayanin, pero wag naman sana. Hehehe. Masaya ako dahil magkaibigan na ulet tayo. Hehe. Kahit papano, nararamdaman ko ang iyong presensya. Hehehe. Ewan. May letter ako para syo. Basahin mo. Hahaha. Walang kwenta yon. Hehe. Wala lang. Pero basahin mo pa din. Ayun lang. Hay. Masaya ako. Sobra. Bakit? Wala lang. Kse anjan sya. Hahaha. Ang jolog ko. Nakakapanibago. Hahaha. Ngayon na lang ulet ako naging ganito. Pagbigyan. Hehehe.

I was lost, then you took down a star for me... So little that perhaps angels wouldn't mind. It was a little thing to you, but it was all the light I needed to find my way back home.

Err. Punyemas. BASTOS. 

Ayaw ko sana gawin to. Kaso lang, dahil ganyan ka, kelangan ko nang maging ganito. Tsk.

SAYANG.

PreLim Grade in HAP=64.7

PUTANGINA. Buhay ka pa Elgy. Hahaha. Hay. Bagsak. Passing grade is 70, hahaha. Taaee. Ang layo ng grade ko. Peero. Expected na yan e. Hahaha. Alam ko na yan. Kung iisipin, dapat maging masaya na ko jan, first, kse, at least, hindi ako ung lowest; second, kse mas mataas sya sa ineexpect ko na grade; third, kse half ng block e bagsak din so I;m notalone (Hahaha.); AT sympre, MAHIRAP NAMAN KSE TALAGA ANG ANATOMY. Utang na loob. Lalo na para sken na hindi naman talaga matalino at tamad mag-aral, tapos ayaw ko pa ung cours eko so kamusta naman. Hahaha. Wala lang. Hindi yan palusot, yan talaga ung totoo. Pero, hindi naman ako nag-rereklamo. Tanggap ko na yan. Matanggal man ako sa school ko... EWAN. Hahahaha. Labo.


Hoy! Ang labo mo.

Mehn. Absent ako kanina. Salamat sa Tachycardia. (Hehehe) Return Demo pa naman namen ng Bed Bath. Err. STUPID LUNGS!! Putak! Putak talaga!! Err!! Nakakagigel. Hay, tae. Tama na nga. Ayoko na. Naiinis lang ako lalo. Tsk

I feel alive again. Why? Go figure. Hahaha. Pasensiya na, malandi talaga ako. Wahaha.


THANK YOU!! Wag kang mag-alala. Pana-panahon lang yan. Malay naten db. Hehehe.

tenenenenenen-ten-tenenenenen... SUKOB mga kapatid!! Ayy. Mali ba yon? Wahaha. Lee, Robert and I watched Sukob a while ago. Oh my fuckin' gosh, hahaha! NAKAKATAKOT!! Literal!! Pucha! Sa sobrang takot ko, nag-ttext lang ako the whole time. Ok, exagge naman yon. Hahaha. Basta pag may scary na scene, hahaha, texting time ito. Wahaha! Grabedad naman pala 'tong si Robert. Huwahaha! PANALO!! Ang ingay mo Robert!!! Sobra sobra na nga ung takot ko dahil sa pinapanood naten, ts dadag-dag pa ung tili at sigaw at hiyaw mo. Tae ka! Hahaha. Kamusta naman kase!! Hindi mo man lang kme winarn ni Lee na ganon ka ka-ingay. Hahaha. Hay nako. Panalo ka talaga. Dahil sayo, anong oras na naman kaya ako makakatulog nyan... Hay hay hay.

Ret. Demo na bukas. Dala ko na naman ung pusa. Ako kaya ulet mag-uuwi non? Nako. May quiz nga pala sa Ana. sa Saturday. Oh fuck. Wala pa kong naaaral don. Uod!! Ayy. Speaking of uod, may uod na kaya ung pusa? Hahaha. Wala pa naman siguro. Err. Kanina binuksan ko ung bag para i-check kung may uod na or kung ano man, bute na lang wala. Hahaha. Impernes. Nahawakan ko na siya. Err. Sa school kase hindi ko yon hinawakan e. Hahaha. Walang pakisama enoh. Pasensiya naman. Walang gulatan kase noh! Walang biglaan. Babawi na lang ako next time. NAWA. Hahaha. Ay nako, pusa. Ang daming kelngan gawin. Yuck. Jolog. Mukhang worry-wart tuloy ako. Hahaha. Wala naman yan e. Naisip ko lang ung mga gagawin. Ang onte. Salamat sa Nursing. Siguro kung Aeronautics course ko, mas madame jan. Hahaha. (Sarcasm)

So, wala na naman kaming pasok. Oh yeah! Hahaha. Ang saya kaya. Tsk. Pero, wala lang, naicp ko lang. Baka LALO akong tamadin pumasok nyan and mag-aral and makinig sa prof kse nasanay nang walang ginagwa dito sa bahay. Kamusta naman kse noh. 4 days na kmeng walang pasok. Haay. Binasa ko na nga ung next topic namen sa Anatomy e. Pero ilang pages pa lang ung nababasa ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung itutuloy ko pa e. Hay. Pano ba naman kse. Wala akong ka-ideideya kung ano ung mga yon. Tae talaga. Taeng Nursing talaga. Err. Anatomy na naman bukas. Hay pusa. Tapos, baka ibigay pa bukas ung results nung Practical Exam namen sa Lab. Wah! Nawa ay kayanin ko kung ano mang makita ko. Hahaha. Pero tanggap ko naman na na bagsak ako dun noh. Ayaw ko lang maging lowest. Nako. Nako. Pag nagkataon, nako! Ewan ko na lang. Nakakahiya kaya yon. Lalo na ngayon kse halos lahat ng blockmates ko e mga Mutant. Hehehe. Ang tatalino. Tsk. Ung mga top students ng batch, blockmates ko e. So, kamusta talaga. Tsk. Bahala na kung san ako lilip[at pag natanggal ng Trinity. Wahaha.


Ang LABO. Hahaha. I miss talking to you. Err. I wanna talk to you na. [Euw. Tunog maarte. Yaak!] (Hahaha. I know I'm gonna laugh at myself when I get to read this, maybe, a few weeks from now. But. The Hell. I'm just being transparent. Pathetically Transparent. Ahahaha.)